I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
