To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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