The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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