Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
