Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
