allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
