Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
