either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
