How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
