hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize