we have officially lost it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
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He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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