hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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