So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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