Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
