True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
