Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
