Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
