I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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