either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
