My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
