im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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