WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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