I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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