In the future we'll all be gay
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
