JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
