I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
