you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
