you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
