i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
