my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
