the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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