is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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