It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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