You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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