I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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