hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
