I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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