Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
