Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
