rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
