I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
