This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
