I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
