Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
