come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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