dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
