Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
