i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
