I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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