How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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