i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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