So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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