I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
