R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
