Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
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