I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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