are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
