I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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