I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
