Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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