I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
