Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
