goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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