I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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