Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
