just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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