Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
