I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
