that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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