How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
