benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
