walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
