Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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