He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
