I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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