I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
