got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
