thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
