I seem to have left my pride at pride
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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